I've opened the carton and taken out one presentation box. The first thing that strikes me is that the box is bigger - and more attractive - than I was anticipating. To give a real-life comparison, the box is about the dimensions of the two pages of an opened-out magazine. It's easily attractive enough to give as a present. (Although you'll need to choose the recipient carefully - don't want to offend anybody!)

The cardboard presentation box is very sturdy so it'll be the ideal storage box for the belt. I've now opened the presentation box and there are four things inside:

• The belt itself (in a clear cellophane bag)
• The adaptor for using the belt at home (in a little cardboard box)
• The adaptor for using the belt in a car (in a clear plastic pouch)
• The instruction booklet

Defying human nature, before I do anything with the slimming belt I'm going to read the instruction booklet.

I've just read it - didn't take long, maybe a few minutes. The English is good - just a couple of Chinese-isms, but nothing that led to any confusion on my part (and I'm not the brightest!).

Now I've taken the belt out its bag. It's about as heavy as I thought it would 'feel' - about the weight of a bag of sugar. The 'business' part of the belt is a rectangular area about 20cms (8") both deep and wide.

The rest of the belt wraps around the body and fastens at the back using velcro. With about half the length of the belt being velcro'ed it can fit a wide range of sizes. I'd say the smallest waist size would be 60cms (24") and the largest 120cms (48"). I have no idea why someone would want to be using a slimming belt with a 60cms waist! Maybe they used to be 120cms and just can't stop!

Now I've taken the adaptor out of its box. It's like the adaptor you've (probably) got for charging your mobile phone. A big heavy lump of black plastic with three pins protruding that you plug into a power point in the wall (the booklet tells me this is the 'AC' end) and a little push-in thing (apparently this is the DC end; hence 'AC-DC' - you learn something every day!) that must connect to the belt somewhere. So you use the belt in a fairly static position (ie, like you would if you were wearing plugged-in headphones). The cable's about 180cms (6ft) long, so you'll need to be reasonably near to a power point.

I'll try the car adaptor later. When I'm in the car. (Duh!)

I'm looking now at the LCD display unit, which is fixed to the belt. It's got a piece of clear adhesive film over the display to avoid scratches (always a good sign when the manufacturers take care of what they're making). I'm one of those people who'll leave the protective cover on until it peels itself off in a few years' time. Strange, aren't we.

I can see where the adaptor plugs in (on the side of the display unit) and I've plugged it in. And now I've unplugged it. Riveting stuff this, isn't it?

Now I'm reading the instruction booklet again, about how to work the LCD.

OK, a couple of minutes reading and I think I've got it. Let's start it up!

Put the belt on, plugged the adaptor into the socket, plugged the adaptor into the side of the belt's LCD display unit. Not too difficult so far!

Turned the switch on the side of the LCD display unit from 'Off' to 'On' (I could have turned it to 'Heat' but I'll keep that excitement for later!).

I'm doing all this with the belt on upside-down - or maybe it's the right way up. Anyway, it's the way up so that I can read the LCD display (upside-down) when I'm wearing it. No, it is upside-down - the profiles of the top and bottom edges of the 'business' part of the belt are different.

The booklet says "Press the OPERATE button to start the unit". OK, I will.

Wwwwwww - it's wobbling me! I can feel the pounds dripping off me already! (Kidding!)

After about 30 seconds it stopped, paused, and now another rhythm of 'reverberating' has begun. Another 30 seconds and it's stopped again. This time, with it stopped I can feel pressure releasing - that must have been the airbag inflating during the wobbling. Now it's started again. Each time the rhythm of the reverberation is different - and this is a good one! It's rapid 'massaging' (is that the word? Or is it reverberating, or even gentle beating or pummeling?) and I can feel the airbag pressing in on me. Now it's changed to another rhythm, the airbag pressure's remained. With this rhythm, each time it pauses (which it does every five seconds or so) it feels really good. It feels good when it isn't pausing too!

Now it's buzzing at me.

And now it's started massaging (reverberating) again. And the air pressure's building up again (the best bit is when the air pressure's released; an 'aaaaaahhhhhh' moment every time!). Then a pause and then yet another rhythm of reverberation.

Another pause, then another rhythm.

All the reverberations make a sound. Not a noise, not enough to interrupt a conversation or the telly. Just the kind of sound a reverberation would make!

Another pause, another rhythm. Now this is a good one!

With each rhythm, an increase in the air pressure on my tummy. With each pause it's released.

Another pause, another rhythm, another build-up of air pressure.

The business area now feels pleasantly warm (I can't wait to find out what that 'Hot' button does!).

Another pause, another rhythm.

Another pause (longer this time, maybe 10-15 seconds), then another rhythm. This is a real wobbler! Seems to go all the way around my back. Brilliant!

Brief pause, another rhythm.

A bit longer than usual. Then a buzzing sound for a few seconds until...

another rhythm!

All the time, with each reverberation the air pressure's being increased then, when the reverberation stops, released. It really is very pleasing! A bit like how a massage is enjoyable both when it's happening and when it stops!

Another pause, another rhythm.

I'm sure by now I'm recognising some of these rhythms as the same rhythms I've previously experienced.

Another pause, long enough to release the air pressure, I'd say, until another rhythm.

Looking at the belt I can see it moving as the air pressure is released.

Another pause, another rhythm. I recognise this one - I'll call it 'hammer'.

Another pause, then 'woodpecker' (oh no, I've started giving names to the rhythms! This is pathetic!).

Thank goodness for that - it seems to have stopped. Don't have to name any more! Well, that took about 20 minutes.

I've just lifted the belt up (I probably haven't got it on tightly enough really, but I need to be able to lean forward to type this!) to see what the area of my tummy feels like. It feels warm and nice and relaxed. Like after a massage has ended.

OK, let's explore the 'personal' buttons on the LCD display unit.

I'm going to try to save my personal details.

There are three buttons on the front of the LCD display unit: 'Set'; 'Adjust'; 'Operate'. I discovered earlier what the 'Operate' button does so I'm looking at just the 'Set' and 'Adjust' buttons. Inputting my personal details is a doddle. Pressing 'Set' starts one item in the first category (which is 'Sex' - the options aren't 'Yes' and 'No', they're 'Female' and 'Male' so I think they must be referring to gender) on the LCD flashing; if it's the correct item, I just click 'Set' again and the display moves to the next category (which is 'Age'). The first of the two available digits is flashing (it starts off displaying a random number). So if I was 21 (I wish!) I just repeatedly click on 'Adjust' until '2' is displayed. Clicking 'Set' fixes the first digit and starts flashing the second digit. And so on through 'Weight' (in kilos) and 'Height' (in centimetres).

At the bottom of the screen there's another piece of information displayed - 'Time'. When you've finished inputting the last category (which was 'Height') the 'Time' is automatically calculated and displayed. So if I use the information I just input next time I'm using the belt, I presume that instead of the about-20-minutes the default cycle just took, it will take the amount of time displayed (which in my case is being displayed as '15', perhaps I'm not as fat as I think!). Later on I'm going to mess around with putting lots of different combinations in and see what happens! I suppose it's just taken me a couple of minutes to input my details (starting from not knowing what I had to do that seems pretty good to me!).

There are three other symbols displayed in the LCD - I wonder what they are. I'm going to find out!

I've now got the belt lying on my lap. I've set the person to be me (apparently the belt thinks my name is '0'; the other people whose data will be stored will be known by the similarly-intimate names of '1', '2' and '3'!).

I've also switched that side switch I mentioned earlier to 'Hot'; I'm a devil, aren't I!

OK, gottit! The symbols on the screen show what's happening.

If the top row of symbols is revolving then the massager is massaging. (Why you need a screen to tell you this is beyond me, as if feeling it and hearing it isn't enough!)

If the middle row (which I now understand is a graphic depiction of radiator lines) is flashing on and off then you've got the side setting switched to 'Hot'. (From a little experiment I just did you can switch the 'Hot' button on and off whilst the belt is in use and nothing explodes.)

The bottom row indicates that the airbag is inflating and deflating.

I'm not sure any of these three displays are particularly purposeful - but they're not doing anyone any harm!

I've just popped the belt back on and having the side switch set to 'Hot' makes it feel even better! I've also now pulled the belt a bit tighter and that's even better! You live and learn!

And that's about it, I think. There's more to find out I'm sure, but I hope this gives you a good impression of what you can expect.

This whole page has taken less about an hour to write so I'd imagine you - or the lucky person you're buying it for - will be enjoying a first massage within minutes of receiving your 'Enhanced' Slimming Belt!

Now then, must remember my name is '0'.

And does anyone know where I left my king-size pizza and double-chocolate eclair?